I hate this feeling!

I wish I knew how to say whats going on in my head right now. I hate feeling like this. Not sure if this is my depression back but its just that blah I hate everything feeling. I'm snippy at everyone so I just warn its not a good time to be around me. I have a friend that thank my lucky stars is my cheerleader when I get like this, I do the same for her. She won't agree with me she just understands. She doesn't know about TTWD but she knows I have a good relationship with my man more times than not so she humors me when I get out of sorts. I try hard to keep in check for him but when he works all week long it makes me lonely I guess. I spend all my time day in and day out with the kids and do everything for the home and it get pretty boring for me. I have no time alone ever my kids are homeschooled so sometimes I like to miss baseball practice just so I can have an hour alone and watch a favorite TV show. He actually got ticked cause I suggested that I wanted to go to baseball practice but I didn't want to miss my new season show. He acted like he had to go out of his way for that one hour for me.
So last night he announced to the kids he was going to spend time with mom well after he did what he wanted to do and let the kids stay up longer than they should be than I was suppose to be available. By than I was feeling for the 4 day in a row like I definitely was last on his agenda so I was not much in the mood for any such time of loving on his part. I'm usually not like that regardless if I'm in the mood or not I usually don't turn him down and I didn't last night either but I really was not in the mindset for any such thing. I hate it I don't know how to put it into words, I don't know if I'm just pulled to thin for what I can handle, I just have no clue.
Plus I had an attack  an attack that no one can figure out what it is and haven't for the past ten years. I really think its my gall bladder not functioning to its potential but the ultrasound once again showed no stones so I just keep getting to deal with this pain when it comes around again. I just wasted 89 dollars on this stupid test. Well at least all his heart test came out fine and they've gotten his blood pressure down to somewhat normal levels so that is a load off of my mind but I'm tired of hearing him complain about his weight when he does nothing to deal with it. I've been trying working out, changing all our diets and I even stopped drinking sodas and anything with sugar or caffeine in it. It's like beating a dead horse with my family. I'm ready to throw in the towel and I don't want to but I'm tired. It's like working your butt off to lose weight and not seeing any results. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and I don't know why it's bothering me so much. Maybe I need a vacation or a change. I don't know maybe I feel I just keep working at it while I get forgotten on the sidelines. I know that's life with kids and marriage but I wish that someone anyone would think of me for a change and it not be Mothers Day or my birthday for that to happen.
Well I don't feel any better writing this I just feel worse so I'm going to just go soak in the tub and maybe wash this depression away.

I should crawl right back into bed.

It has been one endless crappy day. I just had to say to get it off my chest,  to the lady that almost hit my daughter while we were crossing the parking lot leaving Sams club, let me just say your lucky because I wasn't in the mood to go to jail for murdering you. Not only did we stop and look before we stepped out but you in your hurry was the one to whip around that car beside you to.....WHAT find you a closer parking space? You could have run right over her thank goodness you had at least decent brakes considering the piece of crap you were driving with the back end all crumpled. After my initial shock yea okay maybe I shouldn't have shouted at you but you had no right to scream at us to look out. HELLO you nut your lucky I'm not like some of those crazies out there and didn't drag your ugly behind out and stomp you. I may have gone off more than I should but those are my children and I'm tired of you idiot drivers that pay no more attention than for you to turn the key. Stop and look before you whip out especially in a public parking lot with actual people in it. I had to apologize to my kids cause of the language I used but you had it coming and I would do it again for my kids. People like you shouldn't be allowed to drive. Okay so I got that out now maybe I can get on with my lousy day.