Christmas is usually hard but not this year.

This year was a dramaless holiday just for our little ones. We didn't want to have the normal heartache we usually have when we try to dote on our older kids who don't care about anyone but themselves so we did just for the little ones left at home. They have been the ones including ourselves who go without but not this year. We got them what they wanted and than some. Santa was good. We got a few things each for the grandkids with the stepdaughter who also was on this naughty list of ours. As usual not a word from the two oldest and the one with the grandkids just a joke text. Everyone is living their lives and so these parents. We had a Merry Christmas cause Santa brought joy to the faces of our two youngest blessings.

New blogger name

I wanted a new name so I asked Big Daddy to help and this is what he came up with for now he said he would continue to think of another one. This one came about after several that I shot down. Our lives have been going on the steady no big deals thank goodness a few spankings just for fun.

Everyday is a new adventure for me. Reading others blogs is like peeking into my own life one that I wish we had started along time ago.I've stated before I didn't come right out years ago and asked more like hinted that he should just spank me when he got mad but I don't think he thought I was serious I think it was more like make-up sex talk but I was serious but afraid. The one and only time he  got angry enough to grab me, throw me across the bed and lay a few wallops across my jean covered butt I fell into hysterical crying and him comforting me. He remembers none of this happening. I spent even more years thinking and wishing for him to do this again.

As far back as I can remember I've thought about spanking. Anything remotely to do with it. Cartoons, movies, books anything with any little hint of spanking sent me off into this warm wishful thinking that I wanted it to be me but who in their right mind would ask. I could never get it out of my head that I was damaged somehow. I had things happen in my past that I couldn't talk about let alone think about and felt it was all related and I was just mental in the head. I never knew that so many people thought this same thing. Thank goodness for the Internet.

If I had one wish in the world I'd go back years into my relationship with Big Daddy and just ask. We would have spent so many unhappy moments fixing instead of fighting. Live and learn. I'm learning and living but can't get over that nagging feeling of regret?! I think that's what the feeling is regret that I didn't speak up sooner. Regret that I didn't have the courage enough to just say how I felt. This wasn't his fault not entirely. I just took things he said as his way of hurting me that's all I understood with my dysfunctional family and his dysfunctional family we just didn't know how to live together. I was always pushing him to react I know this now. There were so many key moments of my life that I can see now as those moments when I needed him the most to react. I'm sure he's thought about it now "wow I should have spanked her for that." I would never do those things now. He's said it lately a few times that we would have had a lot more kids if we had started this sooner. haha  Kinda glad the ones we have are quite enough and sneaking around the kids gets so old.

What's new?!

Lots of spanking going on some fun some not so fun. Been off my meds for about a month seems to be mostly good. I've found some new energy to not being on it but the blues come harder than I'm used to. I don't want to be medicated and don't like to take anything unless I absolutely have to and with my not having a thyroid anymore I have to take that med or I'm cold all the time. But no Welbutrin has been better than I expected. My hair is coming back or at least not falling out as much. (thanks to the blogger who posted that tidbit I didn't know). I had one horribly bad, down depressed day last week I think the day before Thanksgiving. You know those days you cry for nothing and everything I needed to be spanked but really didn't want to ask and thank goodness Tim saw the need. I haven't ever cried while being spanked but I've felt like I've wanted to or needed to but never have had it happened. He brought me right to the brink of it and stopped. I'm not sure what made him stop can't remember if he asked me to stop or if he just did not that it wasn't memorable but it was all different for me. I would have liked him to go on just to see how it would feel but leaving that up to him. He did ask about it said he heard me sniffling a little did I want to talk about it my answer was no I couldn't I just wanted to sleep. Things were better for me the next day. That Friday we went to pick up one of our grand kids for a short while that lasted way to long for me and our kids. We are not in practice to have little ones around they get on our nerves for longer than they should be here considering he's 3 and not yet potty trained. My stepdaughters child is who he belongs to and we don't get to see them often but when we do it takes so much out of us and so much is expected from us that it turns an otherwise visit into hell. Needless to say he went back after a week and his parents got to spend some partying time that they complain they never get. WWWAAAA!!! is always my reply considering we are never without our kids and I mean EVER so I don't have much sympathy for them. Its called parenthood for goodness sake. Anyway we like our life with our kids and our peace and our lifestyle just fine by ourselves.
Thanks to another blogger that I share with Tim,  he figured out there are such things as good girl spankings too. LOL So we got one of those the other day. All things work in this relationship and he's getting the ideal of good things can actually be when he is HoH. While we were out taking said grandchild home yesterday we stopped to get something to eat and I got onion rings with my order which he replied he wished he had seen them too. I told Tim well its too bad there isn't anything you can do to make me share them. Right in front of the kids he said "Oh yea I'll just take you out to the car and bend you over the back and gave the motion of swinging in to spank my behind." Our oldest 9 yr old was behind me and saw this! Tim said he just rolled his eyes and laughed and turned his head. LOL Ever since we started TTWD he has had no problems mentioning the s word in front of anyone. He's such a jokester that everyone takes it in jest you know haha your so funny but I know yes he's joking now but don't push him cause my butt will pay for it. I've noticed he's gotten quite comfortable with the whole spanking word. He's even gotten more comfortable with the new leather belt I bought him. Why do we do this? I know I must be nuts who in their right mind would want to be spanked with anything at all let alone a belt.  So happy for him.