New blogger name

I wanted a new name so I asked Big Daddy to help and this is what he came up with for now he said he would continue to think of another one. This one came about after several that I shot down. Our lives have been going on the steady no big deals thank goodness a few spankings just for fun.

Everyday is a new adventure for me. Reading others blogs is like peeking into my own life one that I wish we had started along time ago.I've stated before I didn't come right out years ago and asked more like hinted that he should just spank me when he got mad but I don't think he thought I was serious I think it was more like make-up sex talk but I was serious but afraid. The one and only time he  got angry enough to grab me, throw me across the bed and lay a few wallops across my jean covered butt I fell into hysterical crying and him comforting me. He remembers none of this happening. I spent even more years thinking and wishing for him to do this again.

As far back as I can remember I've thought about spanking. Anything remotely to do with it. Cartoons, movies, books anything with any little hint of spanking sent me off into this warm wishful thinking that I wanted it to be me but who in their right mind would ask. I could never get it out of my head that I was damaged somehow. I had things happen in my past that I couldn't talk about let alone think about and felt it was all related and I was just mental in the head. I never knew that so many people thought this same thing. Thank goodness for the Internet.

If I had one wish in the world I'd go back years into my relationship with Big Daddy and just ask. We would have spent so many unhappy moments fixing instead of fighting. Live and learn. I'm learning and living but can't get over that nagging feeling of regret?! I think that's what the feeling is regret that I didn't speak up sooner. Regret that I didn't have the courage enough to just say how I felt. This wasn't his fault not entirely. I just took things he said as his way of hurting me that's all I understood with my dysfunctional family and his dysfunctional family we just didn't know how to live together. I was always pushing him to react I know this now. There were so many key moments of my life that I can see now as those moments when I needed him the most to react. I'm sure he's thought about it now "wow I should have spanked her for that." I would never do those things now. He's said it lately a few times that we would have had a lot more kids if we had started this sooner. haha  Kinda glad the ones we have are quite enough and sneaking around the kids gets so old.