Well nothing got solved or should I say that it got put off or I really got put off cause he was tired so whatever. Than this morning it all started over again when I said I was getting a job because I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing for me while everyone continues to only think of themselves. His usual response is "if you feel the need to get out of the house by getting a job I'm not going to stop you". Yea yea sure he knows it would be more money that gets funneled in for Christmas coming and helping with his daughter and kids coming. Before he got home there was another barrage of texts again today he wanted to know if I wanted him to work the weekend. I replied that no I wanted him home but he missed that text and sent me text after text and it was getting worse by the second. He wanted me to answer a certain way and was capping his words so to get my point across I capped right back not a good move.
My son was suppose to have baseball practice but was hacking up a lung and he knew he was suppose to be there by 6 but forgot. So his last text to me was to send the kids to my friend across the street so as he put it settle all this crap(not his word) once and for all the way I've wanted him to handle things and he dared me. He actually dared me! Unfortunately he forgot the practice and the timing was all wrong and it wasn't going to happen. So once again the implications were there but no follow through on his part. Finally when we had time alone that night he asked me if I really wanted a job and I don't really cause I know how stressful my life would become cause it would be a night job and I still have to school the kids so when would sleep happen? But I didn't tell him that when he asked cause that's not really how I'm feeling. My answer was that once again I feel like I'm not here. I feel taken advantage of by all like they just expect me to be the one to do everything else and usually I really don't mind but when all I get back is arguing and defiance it shakes up my world. Okay okay so I'm feeling sorry for myself now but its Friday and once again off to pay all the money to someone else and make everyone else happy but me. So lets see next month I will be 44 and if I want a gift I better start saving cause no one will do it but me. Yep I'm thinking of myself for the moment cause no one else is.
2 comments:
It sounds like you're under quite a bit of stress these days.
Sarcasm and this kind of sorrow on the surface is usually an indication of resentment underneath.
As bad as it feels, it's a wonderful opportunity for a heart to heart, face to face communication and airing of concerns. It should be welcomed.
If the approach is loving, with the best intentions for the relationship the main focus, it could very well lead to a wonderful "stress reliever" spanking and post proceedings intimacies.
I hope you guys pull through this soon.
Isn't that the truth it is resentment on my part and I hate that feeling. I normally don't feel like this but he just pushed a button. He's off for the next two days so we will see where this whole thing is headed.
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